The line “bound to come some trouble to your life” popped into my head the other day as I exited the shower. It’s from a largely forgotten song of my youth. I let it play out in my head until I had to just sit and listen to it. Commence complex tears.
There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
Reach out to Jesus
Hold on tight
He's been there before and he knows what it's like
You'll find he's there
There's bound to come some tears up to your eyes
That ain't nothing to be ashamed of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
Reach out to Jesus
Hold on tight
He's been there before and he knows what it's like
You'll find he's there
Now people say maybe things will get better
People say maybe it won't be long
People say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and it'll all be gone
Well, I only know that maybes just ain't enough
When you need something to hold on
There's only one thing that's clear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
Reach out to Jesus
Hold on tight
He's been there before and he knows what it's like
You'll find he's there
by Rich Mullins
I remember honestly hating that song when I was young. I didn’t want to think of trouble coming. I led a very sheltered, very stable, very surrounded life at that point. The lyrics thoroughly terrified me.
Fast forward 30 years, and this song brings up very different feelings. The part that used to repel me (trouble coming) is a familiar reality. I really wonder if there is any part of life free of trouble or tears. Seems unlikely moving forward. I’ve also experienced the ache of people wanting to comfort and hold out hope in ways that just can’t touch what I’m experiencing. These aren’t theoretical fears anymore.
And then there’s the part that use to feel like an obvious given; Reach out to Jesus. Hold on tight. I’m sure that was once the only part of the song that felt neutral or comfortable. It now leaves me conflicted inside.
In the past decade of ceaseless ache, I’ve both reached out to Jesus and held on tight and tried forgetting about him altogether. There were times of literal screaming to him from the bed in my room in a way that made me fear I might be losing my sanity. My torment was met with reverberating silence. There were years of waiting and praying in desperation, with little to no movement. And there have been times when I decided to press into faith and felt my hope renewed in ways that may have saved my life. Faith has been a both/and kind of experience.
And, I mean, what do you do with that? I’m kind of over praying in desperation at this point. I don’t know what to make of answers or the lack of them. My faith feels wonky, unfamiliar, and uncertain. Sometimes I don’t even want it. It sounds easier to just abandon it and make a clean break, but in my deepest core, I know there’s something there that matters for me. I’m just holding it at arms length to examine it a lot these days.
So the song. The trouble and tears? Yes. The people saying maybe…? Yes. Maybes not enough? Yes. Reach out to Jesus? Hold on tight? He’s been there before, and he knows what it’s like? You’ll find he’s there? Parts of me rise up in protest, while a quiet place deep inside says, “Yes”.